It stuns me to think about how long ago this was.  I always found such peace when I’d watch him sleeping as a small boy.

Empty Christmas

 Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, 2020.  It’s been a strange year.  A surreal year that has been filled with events that  spread fear and hate and discontent.  I used to feast my soul during Christmas and other special times.  The nourishment of those times would sustain me through any leaner days throughout the year.  But since losing Jeremy, there is no longer anything but heartache waiting for me during those holidays.  And it leaves me even more impoverished for times like these, with no surpluses to prop up my broken spirits.

He was really gifted.  Self taught, just came natural for him.  Could play any song after hearing it.

This is so much harder than it was supposed to be.

A lifetime ago...

His new home.

  This is the new home for JeremyRyanMiller.com.  It’s his new home, or at least I hope it will be, if only in remembrance.  If you found your way here and did so on purpose, then you probably already know me.  I’m his dad, TODD.  Damn it.  I WAS his dad, what seems like a lifetime ago.  I let things fall away for a long time, not really being able to bear the pain of continuing to hold on like he was still with us.  Life moves on, even when we don’t want it.  But lately, I’ve been feeling his absence like it was brand new.  There are reasons why that should be so, but I don’t think any of them are the actual cause of this fresh pain.  I give you fair warning that I intend to dig around and stir up memories here.  If you are one of the many who loved him, it may get heavy, and it most definitely will be painful at times.  But it will also be worth it.  To remember him again.  To feel him again.  Jeremy, I miss you terribly.  I’ve never been the same since you left, but I don’t think I would even want to be.  I love you.
Dad